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Have you ever ruined someone’s life?
Have I ever ruined someone's life? No. No I haven't. What I did was not just ruining someone's life. It was not even comparable to ruining a life.
Because what I did was worse than ruining a life. I destroyed the life of someone who loved me, and whom I loved back. I destroyed the life of someone who trusted me with his everything, but I took it, spat on it and flushed it down the toilet.
And not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought of him, because he left me, and I never spoke to him again.
You see, few years ago I met someone very special to me. When I was younger, I lived in a small town where the people were old, the air was stale and I was a mere boy, so full of life. All I needed in life back then was someone I could spend time with, and someone who would appreciate me. I guess I could say that I was lonely.
This is where Tom (let’s call him that) comes into the story. One morning, when I was routinely walking to the grocery store to get some bread, I saw Tom playing by himself. I couldn’t believe my eyes! Finally, I thought, someone I can speak to, and be friends with, here, in my town!
I shyly approached Tom, and as I walked towards him, I noticed that he had blonde hair and green eyes, features unknown to Turkish boys. I saw him smiling at me, and I smiled back. Very soon, we had started to talk, and before we knew it we found ourselves deeply immersed in children’s games. Being with Tom, everything felt so natural, as if he were made for me, and I for him. Tom was beautiful, both inside and out.
For the next whole year, Tom and I were inseperable. We would spend whole days together, watching movies, playing, and there was not a single day that Tom didn’t stay over at my house.
But even in our pure world of juvenile happiness, not everything was perfect. Every time Tom went home, he came back badly bruised. He never told me why, but one day I saw it with my own eyes. His mother was abusing him. This made me feel all the more responsible for his well being.
So you ask, what could possibly have happened that would bring such a tragic ending to such a profound friendship?
It was all my fault.
I wanted to protect Tom, but I took him for granted.
You see, I was crazy about Tom’s physical appearance to the point where I couldn’t stop looking at him. He had the most impressive green eyes I have ever seen, with the bright golden locks of an angel, but most importantly, Tom was very chubby. Almost obese, some could say. I found this irresistibly cute.
I betrayed him three times.
Even though he was dependent on me, I took away one of the only things that made him happy in life.
You see, Tom had an unusual fondness for milk. In fact, he was so obsessed with the creamy delight that sometimes, he would come to my house just to get milk and then he would go away. And so I thought of a genius idea. I decided that every time he asked for milk, I would sneakily put some mayonnaise in it, because this would make him gain a lot of weight. I thought he wouldn’t even notice the difference.
Well, Tom didn’t speak much and I was 11, but I knew something was wrong. Tom knew what I was doing. He also knew that I knew that he was aware of this.
He never said anything about it directly, but one day, he hurt me really bad. We were having a small argument, and he slapped me right across the face and he didn’t come back for a week.
He never asked for milk again.
I made a new best friend
As you could probably have guessed by now, my friendship with Tom was very special. We weren’t only best friends, but we were also each other’s only friends.
Tom was heartbroken about the mayonnaise, but he still loved me.
He was shattered when I brought home a new best friend. To make it worse, Tom did not get along with my new friend whatsoever. He tried to make me choose between him or her. I did not make a choice.
He thought I didn’t love him anymore.
I took something from him that I can never give back.
As we grew older, I felt that Tom was becoming more violent. I mean we all were, as puberty was approaching fast, but this was different. I don’t mean to sound discriminatory in any way, but it almost felt as if he was turning into one of… his people…
This is why I thought it was time that I took Tom to the doctor. There was only one cure for such inexplicable emotional transformation. Castration.
And so I watched Tom close his eyes for the last time as a man. When he woke up, he knew nothing would ever be the same. His best friend had forced him to become a eunuch.
The problem is, Tom was homophobic.
Tom’s world had been ruined entirely. Life had stolen all of his friends, his family, his happiness, his milk and unfortunately, his balls.
Tom gave up. He no longer played with me, no longer got out of bed, and he no longer cared for anything. I couldn’t even wipe the profound sorrow off his face by offering to tease him with a string. He was, by all definitions, in depression.
One night, a strange, mystical sense woke me up. I went downstairs to find a glass of milk, empty. Rocky, the way Tom liked it. Next to it I saw an ashtray. A half eaten kitty cracker. Tom had left.
I quickly ran to the door as the memory of every good moment we ever had flew through my heart like a bullet. Tom was there, walking away, crying.
He looked at me one last time. With his eyes, he said, and I quote, “I can’t.”
When he turned around I saw that he had eaten my hamster.
I did not try to stop him. I couldn’t. Being attacked by him would shatter me. I am a God damn coward, and I couldn’t stop him. I couldn’t just tell him that I loved him. I couldn’t ask for a second chance. I let him down, and now he is paying for it.
So yes, I destroyed someone’s life.
(This is Tom before I betrayed him.)
Edit: Whether by luck or fate, I saw Tom today. He was doing worse than I imagined.
As you can see, he now works in a soup kitchen, spending his days begging, eating leftovers.
He was heavily intoxicated.
This breaks my heart.